


Taliyah's Get-Along Groupchat

by ItWasIDio



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Mild Language, Threats of Violence, Truth or Dare
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-19
Updated: 2019-07-12
Packaged: 2020-06-26 20:46:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19776109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItWasIDio/pseuds/ItWasIDio
Summary: Taliyah decides that there's only one way to stop Shurima from destroying itself, and it's (almost) a violence-free method: by somehow getting the numbers of everyone involved who for some reason all have phones, and creating a groupchat for them to talk out their problems! It goes about as well as you'd expect, but Taliyah's never been one to give up.Aka the shuriman chatfic literally nobody asked for





	Taliyah's Get-Along Groupchat

**Author's Note:**

> I'm posting this from mobile so the formatting and text are a lil wonky, probs gonna go back and fix it soon but hopefully it's not a huge problem!

RockinRoll added Sivir to the group,  
RockinRoll added Cassiopeia to the group,  
RockinRoll added Nasus to the group,  
RockinRoll added Azir to the group,  
RockinRoll added Xerath to the group

RockinRoll: Hey guys!  
Cassiopeia: wtf  
Sivir: … im gonna go ahead and assume this is taliyah  
RockinRoll: yeah :o how did u know?  
Sivir: ur one of the only ppl with my number. Also rock themed name.  
RockinRoll: oh, that makes sense. well, hi guys!  
Nasus: Taliyah, I assumed this phone was for more... urgent purposes. What is this?  
RockinRoll: well, i just thought if we all got to know each other better, we could fight less  
Xerath: how did you get my number  
Sivir: i would also like to know that  
Nasus: You have a phone, Xerath?  
Xerath: what kind of world dominator would i be without one  
RockinRoll: oh i just asked azir for it  
Xerath: azir had my number?  
Azir: ...I might have.  
Xerath: bitch how  
Azir: I bribed the dude who sold it to you. He was too scared of me so he just went with it.  
Xerath: why???  
Azir: That is beside the point.  
Xerath: no it isn't?  
Nasus: This is only getting more confusing…  
RockinRoll: oh, Nasus! You wouldn't happen to know where Renekton is, would you?  
Nasus: If I did, he'd be fighting me right now. Why?  
Xerath: i do dm me  
RockinRoll: no reason, nasus. Will do, Xerath!  
Cassiopeia: okay why am i here exactly. I dont even know any of you but sivir  
Xerath: u dont remember me?  
Cassiopeia: if u were one of those guys i accidentally freed i was a lil 2 busy turning into a snake 2 remember u. Also sivir didnt u die???  
Sivir: Azir saved me  
Azir: It was my pleasure!  
RockinRoll: I just thought you and Sivir could use some help making up after I heard about what happened! You can leave if you want, though  
Cassiopeia: Nah, I'll stay. Might pick up some good blackmail material or Shuriman intel

RockinRoll added Renekton to the group

RockinRoll: cool deal!  
RockinRoll: any1 else we're missing?  
Renekton: Nasus! We shall fight here, where you excel in intellectual combat and language, and when I beat you, it shall truly prove my superiority before I crush you to nothing more than a bloody carcass!  
Nasus: Taliyah…  
RockinRoll: look you guys all have a ton of beef but think of the possibilities if u just talked out ur problems!!!  
Xerath: she's got a point  
Azir: like u can talk  
Xerath: bitch  
Azir: bitch  
Sivir: You'd think a millennia of hatred would produce some better insults.  
RockinRoll: :c pls try to get along in my groupchat  
Xerath: i can literally kill all of you in my sleep  
Azir: Then do it, coward.  
RockinRoll: Pls Try To Get Along In My Groupchat.  
Cassiopeia: what if we don't?  
RockinRoll: then i will be sad and try to talk to you to see the better side of life  
Sivir: so free therapy from a child?  
RockinRoll: i guess you could look at it like that  
Nasus: Why do we all have phones, actually? My own was a gift from Taliyah in case of emergency so we could reach each other.  
Sivir: i have one for business and stuff.  
Cassiopeia: Same here. I'm guessing my business is how Taliyah got my number, actually  
RockinRoll: More or less!  
Renekton: Taliyah granted me this device just moments ago, though its controls are easy enough to figure out.  
Xerath: i got one once i was freed to catch up with the times  
Azir: That was my reason, as well.  
RockinRoll: i have one to keep up with my family as i travel! Well, for the most part, that  
Nasus: and also to put us in this groupchat  
Xerath: hey can i change the group name  
RockinRoll: i suppose so

Xerath has changed the group name to Get dunked, Azir

Azir: I don't know what that means but I don't like it.  
Sivir: also why the hell are u being so civil xerath i saw u slaughter an entire city like last month  
Xerath: got bored, im just gonna wait to kill azir  
Azir: Again?  
Xerath: of course. ur fault for not staying dead, bitch  
RockinRoll: what if you just… didn't kill him?  
Xerath: too late for that lol  
Azir: What if you just didn't kill me in the first place?  
Xerath: do u have any idea how much preparation i put into killing u??? waste of time and lives if i had backed out  
Azir: WELL MAYBE WIPING OUT MY ENTIRE EMPIRE WAS A WASTE OF LIVES  
RockinRoll: okay that's enough of that  
Nasus: You two have never been anything but trouble…  
Renekton: do not forget the true trouble for you, brother!  
Nasus: And then there's Renekton, of course  
RockinRoll: i just want us to all get along :(  
Sivir: okay thats all fun but r we just going to leave the group with this name?  
Xerath: yes  
Azir: No.

RockinRoll changed the group name to Everyone Get Along or Else

Sivir: eh, could be better  
RockinRoll: We're keeping this one  
Renekton: Nasus wya  
Nasus: ...Taliyah, what do those letters mean?  
RockinRoll: where you at. He wants your location.  
Nasus: I am currently at… Wait, I will not tell you, brother.  
Renekton: I will tear you limb from limb, you monster.  
RockinRoll: so what's the story behind you two fighting, anyway?  
Xerath: well…  
Azir: ??? Why do you keep doing this?  
Xerath: idk y do u keep being a bitch  
RockinRoll: I'm confused  
Sivir: I think something happened where renekton kinda went mad? And blamed nasus?  
Nasus: That's a good, albeit vague, summary of it.  
RockinRoll: :o  
Azir: That was Xerath's fault, right?  
Xerath: u cant just assume everything is my fault  
Nasus: Yes.  
Sivir: lol

-

RockinRoll: guys!  
Sivir: what  
Azir: Greetings  
Nasus: Is something the matter, Taliyah?  
Xerath: whats up  
Cassiopeia: yes?  
Renekton: nasus i will kill u  
RockinRoll: enough with the death threats. Anyway  
RockinRoll: do u guys want fun nicknames in the group???  
Sivir: idc  
Cassiopeia: yeah it's whatever  
Nasus: Do as you please.  
RockinRoll: okay, I'll give u each one. Ur free to change it if u want!

Sivir changed to Egg,  
Azir changed to EggLayer,  
Nasus changed to Pupper,  
Renekton changed to Croc,  
Xerath changed to Lightning,  
Cassiopeia changed to Snek

Egg: on second thought, maybe i do care  
EggLayer: I do not… layer eggs, Taliyah.  
RockinRoll: Well do u lay eggs?  
EggLayer: Last I checked, I do not.  
Pupper: Taliyah, I apologize, but I have significantly more important things to be doing right now.  
Lightning: like what lol  
Pupper: Like stopping your malevolent reign  
Croc: Do not forget the true threat to you, brother!  
Snek: Yeah this is all a ton of fun and great blackmail material but I've got things to do and people to kill  
RockinRoll: aw :c  
Pupper: Do not worry, I am not yet cutting off contact. I am merely prioritizing my other duties to my homeland.  
Lightning: nerd  
EggLayer: Hell yeah, Shurima!  
Egg: no offense azir but i rlly wish we weren't related  
EggLayer: If we weren't related, you'd likely be dead right now.  
Egg: u would be too tho. but being related to u is a real inconvenience  
EggLayer: The ties of blood bring about an unavoidable fate, regardless of your wishes.  
Lightning: speaking of  
Lightning: didn't i kill ur entire family? How do u have a descendant?  
EggLayer: I… was not the most loyal husband.  
Egg: lol  
Lightning: typical  
Croc: anyone here know where nasus is?  
RockinRoll: I do, but I won't tell you until you promise not to try and kill him  
Egg: taliyah sweetie do u rlly think that's gonna work  
Lightning: shes fine renektons not the brightest now  
Croc: damn, that promise is beyond me. what if i promise not to kill anyone else?  
RockinRoll: Nope, not happening  
Croc: curse u  
EggLayer: Wow, I can't believe I was taught by that guy.  
RockinRoll: he taught you? was he a good mentor?  
EggLayer: Before he was driven mad, he was a brilliant teacher of combat, and an even better combatant.  
RockinRoll: Fascinating! There's so much I don't know about all of you...  
Egg: I find the best way to get to know someone is to give all your money to me.  
EggLayer: Sounds like a solid method to me! Granted, I'm not sure if my money is worth much of anything now.  
Egg: Well, I suppose it'll have to do… I'll be coming over to take it once I'm almost certain no one will kill me  
EggLayer: It will be waiting. I eagerly await getting to know you through this new method.  
Lightning: wow i knew i was the smartest but this is kinda ridiculous  
EggLayer: What do you mean by that?  
Lightning: Nothing. Keep giving your money to Sivir.  
Egg: , u know i might consider changing sides in this war if u keep that attitude  
RockinRoll: Oh, I didn't realize you had picked a side.  
Egg: seemed pretty obvious to go with the side that didn't want me dead  
Lightning: i mean if u rlly dont wanna die i can see what i can do  
Egg: sweet  
RockinRoll: Oh! Ik what we can do  
Egg: besides give me money?  
RockinRoll: yeah! Have u guys ever played truth or dare?  
EggLayer: No, what is that?  
Lightning: based on the name i think ive got an idea  
Egg: Ik what it is but I've never played. That seems a little childish  
RockinRoll: well, what's wrong with that?  
Egg: nothing, i guess  
Snek: surprise bitches. I want in on that  
Egg: for blackmailing?  
Snek: but of course. What other reason is there in life?  
Egg: god i hate you  
Snek: ;3  
EggLayer: What is truth or dare?  
RockinRoll: basically, you ask someone, “truth or dare?” then they pick one! If they pick truth, u ask them a question and they have to answer. If they pick dare, u can dare them to do something and they have to!  
Lightning: and if they dont?  
RockinRoll: then they chicken out! People usually assign different rules to chickening out, so what if we say one chicken per truth and one per dare?  
Egg: sounds fine to me  
Snek: that's satisfactory  
Lightning: fine by me  
EggLayer: So who begins this game?  
RockinRoll: I can start! Sivir, truth or dare?  
Egg: Dare  
RockinRoll: :O i dare u to send us a video of u dancing!  
Egg: ...okay?  
Egg: -video-  
EggLayer: What is this sorcery?  
Lightning: lol this loser doesnt know how recording works  
EggLayer: And you do!?  
Lightning: i know how everything works  
EggLayer: Then explain it.  
Lightning: what kind of idiot gives info to his rival lol  
EggLayer: >:(  
Snek: what a… charming dance, Sivir  
Egg: shut it, snake  
RockinRoll: I thought it was good! Okay, Sivir, now you ask someone truth or dare  
Egg: Azir, truth or dare  
EggLayer: ...Truth?  
Egg: wimp. Can you fly?  
EggLayer: Excuse me?  
Egg: Well, you're a bird now. Can you fly?  
EggLayer: I can't say I've tried. I'll let you know in a moment.  
EggLayer: I cannot  
Lightning: yet another reason why im cooler  
Egg: lit  
RockinRoll: your turn to ask someone, Azir!  
EggLayer: I see… Cassiopeia, was it? Truth or dare?  
Snek: dare. Im not a pussy  
EggLayer: In that case, I dare you to explain to me how recording works.  
Snek: idk man i just accept it.  
EggLayer: Taliyah can she do that?  
RockinRoll: its up to u to decide if your conditions have been met!  
EggLayer: They have not.  
Snek: okay so this thing called a camera captures it then sends it to us. It captures it by light or something. No one rlly knows unless theyre scientists or inventors tbh  
EggLayer: I suppose that will do.  
Snek: sweet, my turn. Now, which of u would be the best to manipulate or dig up the secrets of?  
Egg: is that all u ever worry about?  
Snek: of course  
Lightning: i can dig it  
Snek: at least some1 understands. U will be spared, then. Sivir and azir already went, but i dont think taliyah has literally any dirt  
RockinRoll: I can control dirt! Kinda. Not actually, but i can control rocks!  
Snek: cool. I'll go with u then  
Snek: truth or dare?  
RockinRoll: dare!  
Snek: u dare u 2 throw a rock at nasus  
RockinRoll: that's kind of mean… plus i don't know where he is rn  
Snek: so ur chickening?  
RockinRoll: im sorry :(  
Snek: its whatever  
RockinRoll: my turn then! Xerath, truth or dare?  
Lightning: dare  
RockinRoll: u guys r all going with dare :c. Okay, i dare u 2 be nice to azir  
Lightning: truth  
EggLayer: bitch  
Lightning: bitch  
RockinRoll: Pls be nice in my groupchat. Okay, uh, what's one thing u don't hate about azir?  
Lightning: stop trying to make us get along.  
EggLayer: answer the question traitor  
Egg: yeah answer lol  
Lightning: u stay out of this sivir. Ur good at naming things, i guess  
EggLayer: how… kind  
RockinRoll: weird compliment but nice job!  
Lightning: okay sivir truth or dare  
Egg: truth  
Lightning: who's cooler between me and azir?  
Egg: oh def u. Azir's a nerd  
Lightning: :^)  
EggLayer: I will end you.  
Lightning: thats my line  
RockinRoll: :( pls get along in my groupchat  
Egg: okay taliyah truth or dare  
RockinRoll: truth!  
Egg: uve travelled around, right? Where's ur fav place outside shurima?  
RockinRoll: i have! I've travelled between the freljord, noxus, ionia, and shurima obviously. Noxus was… pretty terrible, and the freljord was so harsh and different. Ionia was absolutely incredible though! A beautiful land with people to match!  
Egg: cool  
Lightning: sounds like a good place to conquer for my empire  
EggLayer: Not if I take it for Shurima first  
RockinRoll: no conquering ionia in my groupchat please  
Lightning: fine  
EggLayer: For now…  
Snek: o yeah noxus tried to conquer there a while ago. Def harder than you would think  
RockinRoll: enough! We will have no more talk of conquering Ionia in this groupchat. Now, Azir, truth or dare?  
EggLayer: Dare  
RockinRoll: Cool! For my dare, you must say one thing you like about Xerath!  
EggLayer: Truth  
RockinRoll: -_- What's one thing you like about Xerath?  
EggLayer: … can she do that?  
Egg: yes  
Lightning: yep  
Snek: yeah  
RockinRoll: :^D  
EggLayer: If it must be done… He is a skilled manipulator  
RockinRoll: you 2 are odd complimenters but okay!  
EggLayer: Descendant, truth or dare?  
Egg: I have a name. Truth.  
EggLayer: Do you have any other family?  
Egg: Besides you, no. They were all killed when I was young  
RockinRoll: Oh, that's terrible D:  
Egg: it happens. Best to move on  
EggLayer: I see. My family is also dead.  
Egg: wow u dont say…  
Snek: shocking  
Lightning: sorry abt that  
EggLayer: I sensed sarcasm in all of those replies.  
Lightning: :^)  
Egg: Well, i think im abt done here. Talk to you later, Taliyah. I hope i never see you again to the rest of you  
Snek: right back at u  
Lightning: u will soon die by my hand  
EggLayer: Service to Shurima is your unavoidable fate.  
RockinRoll: Bye Sivir!  
EggLayer: Now what is to be done?  
Lightning: we go back to hating and killing each other?  
EggLayer: That will do.  
Snek: works for me  
Lightning: tight  
RockinRoll: :c u all will be friends even if it takes the rest of my life

**Author's Note:**

> Why are so many of these people acting out of character, you ask? Plot convenience and comedic value, I answer.
> 
> Anyway hope u got a kick out of this bc someone needs to meme Shurima more and it's probably gonna have to be me.


End file.
